If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
