sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
