Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
