Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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