I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
