Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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