well I can't set my house on fire every night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
