I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
