Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
