Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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