Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize