Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
