Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
