I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
