Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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