I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
