he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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