I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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