The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
