why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
