guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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