ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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