If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
