i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
