I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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