Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
