wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
