you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
