Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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