They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
