Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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