Just cropdusted the office
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
