U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
