he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
