Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
