My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
