You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
