woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
