Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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