but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
