at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
