Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
