M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
