never play flip cup with pint glasses
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
