You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
