Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
