I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
