just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
