Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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