Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
