the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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