she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
