she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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