i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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