I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I love you.
Bad choice
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
