Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
